i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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