she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
