did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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