So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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