i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
