Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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