just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
