i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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