We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
