Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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