Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
