Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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