Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
