your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
