don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
