Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
