Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
