did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
