Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
