There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
