why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
