True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
