you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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