dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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