We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
