3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
