If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
