Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
