guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
