is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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