from now on my penis is your penis
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
