No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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