anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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