Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
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I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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