i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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