What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..