Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
