Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
