Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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