I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
