Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
