did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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