I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
