I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
