Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
