i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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