So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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