Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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