His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
