I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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