she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
