i was born a porn star she said
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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