I love black thongs
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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