At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just gift wrapped bread.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
