Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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