i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
