my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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