Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
