I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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