its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
