I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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