This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
