you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm like, not good at living.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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