one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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