I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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