but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
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I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going