It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sorry my hands just texted you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.