well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.