how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage