ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
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Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
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Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?