the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?