hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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