When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
